This. This is what love looks like. Two people, a father and a daughter, engrossed in each other as if no one else were in the room. One shrouded in pride as he embraces the embodiment of all of his life’s lessons and selfless sacrifices, and the other feeling safe, strong and beautiful, ready to go out into the world and bestow all she’s been given upon others. Today, on the fifth anniversary of my father’s passing, I find myself staring into the depths of this photo and searching for meaning in all of the loss.

My father was someone who loved unconditionally. It was not only his children or his wife that qualified for special treatment, it was how he lived his life. Sure, he had grievances and held grudges just like anyone else; he was, after all, human. As I reflect and search for meaning and a positive twist on an awful day, I find myself in a state of somber celebration as it becomes clear that I am the recipient of the greatest gift of all time.  Arthur Robinet taught me how to find reward in giving, how to forgive those who don’t deserve it, and how to share these lessons with my own child by living his examples. My sister Judy lived these lessons, and as evidenced by the phenomenal group of friends she had amassed, she certainly was loved for it.

The downside to living the lessons shared by my father are plentiful. During their lifetimes, my father and sister rarely made time just for themselves. Their money, time and emotional energy was spent on those around them. Each enjoyed the devotion of special friends and family, but their selflessness didn’t insulate them from the selfishness and betrayal of some. My father and the daughter he taught to love were both abandoned by friends and family members alike at times, but they loved anyway. They were disrespected, waved aside, and disregarded in their times of need, but they gave of themselves anyway. While their detractors certainly caused them to feel the sting of loneliness and to question their own value at times, these downsides were outmatched by the depth and meaning offered to them by those who reciprocated their gift of unconditional love. Those who would take but not reciprocate have ceased to matter. The loss is theirs, though they may not be smart enough to know it.

Five years ago today, after several days of unconsciousness, my father opened his eyes, squeezed our hands with what little strength he had left, and spent his last living moments trying to blow kisses to his children. His last act on this earth was to give us love, and to comfort us through his own pain. I watched my sister Judy follow his lead not long ago as she comforted the nurses responsible for her care, and as she fought fiercely against her disease to be truly present and happy as she smiled up at her daughter on her 18^th birthday…some of her last lucid moments, focused on loving her child.

There is no doubt in my mind that both my father and my sister found peace in these moments, because they equally felt the love they gave. These are the lessons, and this is the meaning. You have to give to receive; it is impossible to feel love if you haven’t offered it without expectation. Pity the selfish rather than begrudge them; their lives are lacking and it causes them to act foolishly. Most of all, while it’s important to look to the future as my father and sister were undoubtedly doing in this photo, it is equally important to look back and remember how you arrived where you are, to release yourself from all that is toxic, and to embrace the positivity and love that surrounds you every day.

Look again at this beautiful photo. This is what love looks like.